1. Do not use phrases like "Because I told you so", or "Because I say so". Kids need explanations as to why you are making a decision. They do not need to like it or agree with it, but they do deserve knowing why.
2. Use "I" statements when making requests from your kids. Rather than say, "you make me so mad when you don't clean your room like I asked"; rephrase it to "I feel disrespected when you don't follow our agreements. I need you to clean your room when you say your going to".
3. Listen to your kids. Kids are perceptive. If they don't think your really listening to them....they'll stop confiding in you.
4. Create good boundaries, but do it with love and care. Kids need structure, they crave it, even if they don't directly ask for it. Creating good boundaries tells your kids you care about them and what they are doing. Just make sure they are reasonable.
5. Spend quality time with your kids. You'll never get it back again, and as soon as they hit the teen years, they won't want to hang out with you any more! Read books, go on bike rides, hikes, walks, etc. Talk to them and stay engaged. Remember, as their parent, your their idol (at least while their young)!
Ari Novick, Ph.D., LMFT
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